Professor of Applied Mathematics
Played by: David Krumholtz
Full Name: Charles Edward Eppes
Address: 874 Hunter Street
Los Angeles, CA 90021* **
Birth Date: September 5, 1975*
*Information is from a prop. Spoken dialog will take precedence in canon.
** This address has since been used twice for characters not associated with the Eppes family
Charlie states he was almost named Issac by his parents. Charlie, who is probably born in 1975 or so, is discovered to be an exceptional child very young, excelling in mathematics but a bad speller. He takes piano lessons as a child, but manages to talk his parents into letting him stop if instead he is allowed to make his own instruments; he also makes all of Alan’s Father’s Day gifts using a rock tumbler. He thinks he is a good swimmer. He has a childhood friend named Jessica Cartman and asked Michelle Robinson to a dance when he was in the 7th grade. She turned him down. He has lived in the Craftsman home “pretty much my whole life”, a house he buys from Alan and pays cash for in early 2005.
Charlie admits during a polygraph test for the FBI that he stole a TOPS baseball card of Reggie Jackson from a childhood friend named Mark Carol. He also killed Don’s class pet, a gerbil, when Charlie was six and Don was ten over a Christmas holiday. When Charlie is eight years old, he walks away from a camping trip celebrating Don’s thirteenth birthday. Charlie realizes he’s not wanted on the trip and decides to walk home. By the age of twelve* (in 11th grade) Charlie writes a paper analyzing friendships through mathematics.
According to Alan, he is three when he starts multiplying four digit numbers in his head and by age four Charlie is beating Alan at chess. By age seven, Alan realizes there is nothing else he can teach his young son about mathematics. From that point on he requires special teachers and tutors who can keep up with him. He begins to hear about his destiny in mathematics by the age of eight. However he feels everything fun and exciting is happening without him. By the age of thirteen Charlie has graduated high school valedictorian, on the same day and from the same school as Don, who is five years older. Charlie does not have a good high school experience, noting it is difficult to be Don’s “genius” younger brother. According to Charlie’s yearbook**:
- favorite color – gray
- favorite season – fall
- favorite person – Galileo
- favorite artist – Tolechuck
- favorite writer – Washington Irving
After high school Charlie travels east and attends Princeton; his mother accompanying him on the trip. While at Princeton, he writes his first mathematics paper for the American Journal of Mathematics. At fourteen he is the youngest person to ever publish and has been awarded the Milton Prize. Charlie has admitted he had a hard time fitting in his freshman year at college.
While at Princeton, Charlie meets fellow mathematician Marshall Penfield and both take classes from Larry Fleinhardt who becomes Charlie’s mentor; as of late 2006, the two have known each other approximately seventeen years. Their friendship is tested when Charlie refuses to accept Larry will be leaving CalSci for a six month mission to the International Space Station; in the end, however, Charlie calls the NSA to vouch for Larry’s inclusion in the mission when it looks as though he may be dropped.
After graduating from Princeton at the age of sixteen, Charlie moves back to California and attends CalSci. He meets Rachel Lawton while in grad school.
At some point in his college career, Charlie also spends a year at MIT in Massachusetts.
* Alan later tells a writer for Vanity Fair Charlie wrote the paper when he was nine.
**Information is from a prop. Spoken dialog will take precedence in canon.
Charlie’s greatest mathematics work through 2005 is the “Eppes Convergence”, a concept that takes five years to complete. Though a flaw is discovered by a fellow mathematician named Marshall Penfield, he does resolve the flaw, naming the addition the Penfield Variation. His current math project is titled “Cognitive Emergence Theory”, which has taken up most of the space in the garage to the point Charlie is now working in other areas of the house.
Charlie has done seminars in his field including one on P vs NP and has at least one more paper published regarding H Infinity Control of Non-Linear Systems. He is a tenured Professor of Mathematics at CalSci, where he is a popular teacher though he has been told he is disorganized and he talks too fast. While working at CalSci he has participated in projects for video enhancement and FISH. He has also consulted on a paleontology project once and has guest lectured at other area colleges including Huntington Tech; he also has a standing invitation to lecture at Cambridge.
Charlie believes it’s his duty to develop mathematical tools, and someone else’s to use them wisely. He does not accept the idea of psychic ability stating there has never been a provable instance of such a gift.
Charlie is ordered to chair the PhD admissions committee at CalSci by his new Division Chair, Dr Mildred Finch in late 2006. Charlie tries to refuse claiming he doesn’t have time, but Finch is adamant. She also wants Charlie to spend more time working with CalSci staff and less time working on FBI cases for Don.
In 2007 Charlie offers the paper he wrote as a child titled: “Mathematical Analysis of Friendship Dynamics” for publication. He is also offered a book deal based on the paper; the book is a self-help book rather than a textbook, however Charlie accepts the deal as he feels it will get the math out to more people. The title has changed to The Attraction Equation: Being Popular is as Easy As Pi. His first book signing is attended by Alan and one other person; Alan is proud of Charlie for publishing and wants several copies to give to friends. While the initial signing may have been slow, the book takes off and is listed in the top one hundred at Amazon and is on best-seller’s lists. Charlie now has a publicist named Ruby calling him frequently about publicity.
In early 2009, Charlie Amita and Larry decide to start a once an month “think tank” to toss around interesting ideas. After some initial hesitation, Charlie asks Alan to join the group. The group elects Amita as team leader and the group will consult with JPL on the next planetary rover.
Also, in early 2009 Charlie is approached by DARPA to work on a five year project perfecting his cognitive emergence theories; Charlie turns down the offer based on advise from Larry and Don.
When Charlie moves into a new office, one held by past luminaries in mathematics, he begins to question more his future with CalSci. He hesitates to continue a tradition of leaving letters for future mathematicians as he’s suddenly unsure what his future will be like. In late 2009, Charlie appears to have a better handle on his future and completes his letter to the future professors in the office.
In early 2010 Charlie is offered a visiting professorship at Cambridge University for the next term. Charlie is able to bring Amita with him, also as a professor.
Work with the Federal Government:
Charlie holds a clearance of the highest level, and has consulted for NSA and other federal branches. His consulting includes vector analysis and code breaking work.
He starts doing simple jobs for his brother Don probably starting in early 2004, working on fraud and banking cases using a talent to remember numbers on those cases. His first official work with the FBI is in early 2005 when he helps Don with a serial murder investigation. Through his work with Don he fires a gun for the first time in early 2005. By early 2007, Charlie believes he’s becoming inured to death after working so many murder cases with Don; he claims to have helped with “over fifty” criminal cases. Charlie states he loves working with his brother and it’s an opportunity to hang out with Don.
In early 2008, Charlie attends a two-day FBI training seminar where he learns such skills as pursuit driving, basic hand-to-hand self defense, profiling, HRT, and wins an award for excellent marksmanship.
Charlie loses his security clearance when he is arrested for emailing classified documents to scientists in Pakistan. As a result his work with the FBI as a consultant is suspended. He is also unable to work on any classified projects for CalSci. After three weeks of hearings, the charges against him are dropped, however Charlie takes his time deciding if he wants to deal with the embarrassment of an investigation to regain his clearance.
Charlie realizes he is a “crime junky” and misses his work for the FBI and with Don. He starts consulting with LAPD during the FBI investigation for his clearance status as the police department only requires he pass a polygraph test.
Charlie’s first meeting with the agent assigned to him for investigation regarding his clearance reinstatement is not positive. He thinks the agent, Carl McGowan, has already made up his mind about Charlie’s status and is only going through the motions of the investigation to not only sink Charlie’s future but Don’s as well. Charlie’s fears are realized when McGowan’s questions to Charlie focus on Don and his investigative methods rather than what Charlie did and why. Charlie refuses to give McGowan anything about Don and walks out of the interview stating he will abide by whatever decision McGowan makes regarding his clearance status. McGowan recommends Charlie not gt his clearance restored, however the ADIC does not agree and Charlie is soon back to work for the FBI in an official capacity.
In early 2009, Charlie becomes more and more frustrated with what he terms “putting band-aids on bullet holes” when it comes to solving crimes. He wants to find a way to use probability theory as a tool to prevent the crimes from even happening.
Charlie does not handle his mother’s death well. He spends the last three months of her life working on P vs NP as a distraction from a situation he cannot control. Don doesn’t understand Charlie’s obsession with a math problem while Margaret is ill and Alan admits to Charlie he doesn’t understand either; he reassures Charlie however that Margaret did understand. In mid 2006, Charlie has his first dream involving his mother since her death. He is feeling guilt/regret over how much time she spends with him growing up, during the dream Margaret reassures Charlie she did what any parent would do for her child. She also informs Charlie he is more like Alan in that he has a clear idea of what he wants from life.
Charlie is not involved with anyone seriously as of 2006. He has a previous relationship with Susan Berry whom he lived with for nearly two years when he was twenty-one.
Charlie does receive a note from a secret admirer, still unknown, who likes him for his mind … and hair. He also receives a proposition from an older woman while he is at Princeton inviting him to a bed and breakfast. His mother has to break the news to his would-be admirer about his age.
He has gone on a few dates with Amita since she received her Computer Science PhD in late 2005, but they do not go very well. In mid 2006, Charlie tries to get more serious with Amita only to discover she has an offer to teach at Harvard. In late 2006, Amita informs Charlie she has accepted an offer by CalSci to teach and she will remain in California. She and Charlie decide to see if they can make a relationship work, though Charlie soon has doubts. He wonders if she gave up a great opportunity to stay in California with him and isn’t sure what he wants; he knows he tends to give up on things he doesn’t learn easily. By early 2007, they seem more comfortable with each other and by late summer they seem very happy together, Amita also spends to night at the house and has her own key.
Charlie is eager to meet Amita’s parents, Tapti and Sanjay Ramanujan, and is thinking long-term with their relationship. In late 2007 Charlie asks Amita to move in with him, they are still working a on the plan of how this would work. A few months later it it clear Amita and Charlie are successfully living together. In mid 2009, Charlie proposes marriage to Amita. Charlie and Amita announce their engagement to Alan and Don after Charlie asks Amita’s parents for permission. Both Charlie and Amita are surprised to discover Larry, Alan and Don have all independently figured out their plans to marry. The wedding is set for 2010. They discuss having kids and decide the best course of action is to volunteer with Big Brothers/Big Sisters first.
Charlie and Amita have a difficult time picking a wedding date due to various personal and family conflicts. Alan finally suggests October 9, the date he and Margaret were married. Charlie and Amita agree. The wedding date is set aside when Charlie and Amita have an opportunity to teach at Cambridge and instead decide to marry in early 2010. Charlie and Amita are married at CalSci by Larry, who received an ordainment from the Universal Life Church specifically so he could officiate at Charlie’s wedding.
Charlie does not have a driver’s license in 2004, he loses it speeding. In the fall of 2005 he does get a new learner’s permit and by late 2005 has his driver’s license again; though both Larry and Amita feel he is not the safest of drivers. He does not know how to drive a standard transmission and has no desire to learn. In late 2006, he is driving a blue Toyota Prius license number: 5MSY015.
Charlie and Don are still working on rebuilding their relationship together. Charlie is more accepted in Don’s life now than when they were growing up and has played poker with Don and some of his FBI buddies where he cleans them out. (He has never played before except once with Alan for bottle caps and the pink slip to the car.) He has also taught Don how to count cards. By late 2007, the brothers are much closer and have doubled dated a few times.
Charlie admits to Alan that he is worried about balancing his life, he is afraid he will be alone like Larry as he gets older noting there aren’t many role-models he can look to in his field for a stable family life and a successful career. He is also surprised to discover he intimidates people with his intelligence, specifically Don and Marshall.
Charlie likes basketball (he is a Boston Celtics fan), snow-boarding, video games and he’s getting over his fear of rock climbing. He also likes air hockey and Frisbee golf. He will watch ice hockey for the statistical possibilities. He also knows the art of origami and has a fish tank on the main level of the house.
Charlie likes lemon meringue pie and will drink beer on occasion. He does not like pancakes, though he never tells his mother this.
He is a member of the North American Sundial Society
Charlie does not like magic or illusions. He doesn’t understand why someone would want to be fooled and is surprised to discover both Larry and Amita find a certain romance in magic.
- Charlie is working in classroom 17 in the episode Identity Crisis
- Charlie uses a Macintosh computer
- Don and Charlie have an Aunt Doris who sends family members pears every year.
- Math is nature’s language. (Sabotage)
- Everything is numbers (Pilot)
- It’s not math, it’s logic (Identity Crisis)
- On Larry considering adoption:
Charlie: How long have you been considering it?
Larry: A few days.
Charlie: Give it a few more days.(Sniper Zero)
- This is truth, the math proves it. (Dirty Bomb)
- Larry: What’s that old saying? Applied Physicists are from Venus, Theoretical Physicists
Charlie: Wonder why it rotates in the opposite direction (Sacrifice)
- Mathematics can be much more lucrative than most fathers think. (Sacrifice)
- Einstein said that one has time for either science or family, but not both. (Sacrifice)
- If there’s any limitation it’s got to be in the mathematician, not the math (Noisy Edge)
- Golf balls have to follow the rules of physics just like any other object! (Noisy Edge)
- On Alan and golf: You’re a good teacher.
- Alan: Old man?
Charlie: I use it strictly as a term of endearment, Father. (Man Hunt)
- Is this a reliable dictionary? (Man Hunt)
- Scrabble’s missing a piece! (Man Hunt)
- The mathematically correct term would be … more. (Judgment Call)
- Charlie: Boy, I coulda just taken the bus back to CalSci and went home.
Don: Well, you were about fifteen seconds too late with that thought. (Judgment Call)
- So what’s the difference between my math and a partial fingerprint? (Judgment Call)
- Larry: Charlie, have you ever considered our place in the universe?
Charlie: Certainly every time we speak (Bettor or Worse)
- Mixing cosmic metaphors again, are we? (Bettor or Worse)
- You’re here for the photo enhancements. It’s still, you know, enhancing. (Obsession)
- I have a way with children … I’ve been told I do (Calculated Risk)
- I’m providing house, you provide labor. (Soft Target)
- Isn’t it nice having the living history of embarrassing moments from my childhood. (Soft Target)
- The only keg party I ever threw [in college], he stole the keg. (Convergence)
- Regarding cell phones: Do you two realize what’s in here?
Don: Well in your case a whole lot of unanswered voice mail, I can tell you that. (Convergence)
- It’s not like I can whip up a magic formula for every single problem. (Toxin)
- To Larry on picking Charlie’s brain: You’re more than welcome to whatever scraps my brother leaves behind. (Toxin)
- Hey, I’m organized … enough! (Bones of Contention)
- The math always works. (Bones of Contention)
- Don: No offense, Charlie; it sounds to me like two math geeks that don’t date much.
Charlie: I do take offense. (The OG)
- The point, Fleinhardt. The point! (The OG)
- Charlie: Can’t you just see this a field work?
Larry: Unfortunately, it’s a poppy field. (Double Down)
- With a little math and a lot of luck, we can determine where the stone began its journey. (The Running Man)
- Red meat, let’s eat! (Protest)
- To Larry: What flavor of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink when you join the Physics department? (Mind Games)
- Let’s all sit down at a ouiji board and solve P vs NP once and for all. (Mind Games)
- God, I vowed never to return to high school. (Dark Matter)
- I realize the only thing I’m really afraid of is being afraid again. (Rampage)
- We’re gonna need string … lots of string. (Rampage)
- I don’t even dream normal. (Hot Shot)
- Even a lawyer can’t argue with the math. (Two Daughters)
- This year I have a peace offering for the hungry natives. (The Mole)
- Charlie: You want me to be honest with you?
Larry: No, I don’t. I want to remain a blithering idiot. Yes, of course I want your honesty. (The Mole)
- No, Larry, even the FBI can’t stop meteors. (Traffic)
- Charlie: I’ll be home later for dinner.
Alan: OK … I’m goin’ out for dinner. (Longshot)
- Alan: Charlie, you can’t account for everything.
Charlie: You can if you can think of everything. (Longshot)
- Charlie: Who you calling?
Alan: Your brother. Next thing you know you’re gonna tell me you gotta call Don. (Longshot)
- Coincidence is after all an absolutely valid mathematical occurrence. (Blackout)
- To Larry: They had electricity when you were in graduate school? (Blackout)
- Nice pitch. (Hardball)
- To Donny Eppes, a born cop … a most excellent one. (Hardball)
- To Larry: Yes, I’m so generous. Look, just come over. (Waste Not)
- Larry: I believe that’s my copy of the Quarterly Review of Cosmology?
Charlie: Yeah, it is …
Larry: Why are we engaged in combat over it? (Brutus)
- No one likes to hear I told you so. (Brutus)
- Charlie: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Colby: No. (Brutus)
- Alan: I remember the damage some of those fluid dynamic experiments did to the pond in the backyard.
Charlie: All the koi lived. (Finders Keepers)
- NSA never says anything … I get it. (Finders Keepers)
- My circle circle tangent joke went right over the senator’s head. (Take Out)
- Millie: Don’t take this as a criticism …
Charlie: Is it a criticism?
Millie: Yes. (Take Out)
- Alan: When I hooked up all these lights I may have blown a circuit or two.
Charlie: Circuit or two?
Alan: Yeah. I hope you had the system backed up with that laptop of yours in the garage.
[Charlie runs from the room.]
Alan: I was just kidding. (End of Watch)
- He [Dr Novich] skunked my office, I’m taking him down. (Contenders)
- Charlie: Can you help me with some surveillance equipment?
Megan: No. (Contenders)
- Amita: That is some really cool math, Charlie
Charlie: Thank you, I’m glad somebody noticed. (One Hour)
- We don’t have time for me to be sure. (One Hour)
- Oswald Kittner: This is gonna be tough.
Charlie: The best problems always are. (Democracy)
- I paid two percent over market value for the heirloom. (Pandora’s Box)
- Charlie: [watching the barbecue grill smoke] Barbecue ribs …
Don: Not any more. (The Art of Reckoning)
- To Don: You don’t seem too worried that I’m involved [in FBI cases]. (Under Pressure)
- I’m still the little brother. (Money for Nothing)
- To Don: You were thirteen years old … get over yourself. (Money for Nothing)
- Charlie: So, you know I’m always happy to help you, right?
Don: What, face to face with this guy crosses the line?
Charlie: Frankly, yeah. (The Janus List)
- Charlie: You’re not supposed to be looking at that.
Amita: You’re not supposed to leave it lying around. (The Janus List)
- Actually, I’m a mathematician. (The Janus List)
- Charlie: What do you think it means?
Don: I don’t know. You can’t expect me to know everything. (The Janus List)
- Charlie: Don, you have a big ego.
Charlie: No, you have a ginormous ego.
Don: Thanks. (Trust Metric)
- I know math is full of absolutes; unfortunately, the rest of the world isn’t. (Trust Metric)
- Alan: Look at this workload of mine. How do these kids do it?
Charlie: They’re kids. (Thirteen)
- Charlie: You’re a genius.
Amita: And hot, too. Don’t forget that. (Thirteen)
- Charlie: You’re right.
Larry: About what? (Robin Hood)
- The two great adult influences in my life are heading off to blow up pumpkins. (Robin Hood)
- Larry: That page is blank.
Charlie: Not after I sign it. (In Security)
- I can be extremely whimsical. I do lots of things on a whim. (Primacy)
- Amita: Maybe you should be part of my alliance.
Charlie: I’m gonna start my own alliance. (Primacy)
- Charlie: I have the will power of a field mouse.
Larry: But within that field you are a very popular mouse. (Primacy)
- Charlie: She stole his mojo. (Primacy)
- Charlie: I know how to trap this guy.
Colby: Yeah? Does it involve your deceptive upper body strength? (Primacy)
- Charlie: Knocking on the door from 300 miles above Earth.
David: Well we’re about to knock a lot harder. (Tabu)
- Larry, it was never my intent to go down in history as some crack-pot expert. (Graphic)
- Charlie: If we were to stand here for several hours … [watching elevators]
Alan: Saved by the bell! (Chinese Box)
- Charlie: There is nothing wrong with my driving.
Larry: So the chorus of car horns that follows in you’re wake … what is that? A spontaneous phenomenon? (Breaking Point)
- Dad, you called a tenured university professor to come fix the koi pond? (Breaking Point)
- Amita: Charlie, you really can’t be too careful.
Charlie: You’re wrong. This is proof right here you can be too careful. (Breaking Point)
- We’ll need Amita, dry erase boards; lots of dry erase boards. (Black Swan)
- Amita: I know they’re busy and their work is very important.
Charlie: Consulting on the national finances of the second largest population on the planet … but if you’re angry, so am I. Within whatever acceptable boundaries won’t come back to haunt me later. (Black Swan)
- [during pursuit training]: Good morning, this is Charles Eppes. I’m in pursuit of a burgundy-ish, sort of Merlot colored … umm what model car would you say that is?
Instructor: It’s a Ford.
Charlie: It really doesn’t look like a Ford. Anyway a Ford … [drops mic, crashes car] (Checkmate)
- Charlie: Imagine a large, uncut diamond …
Megan: Ooo, that’s not a problem. (Checkmate)
- Charlie: That cycle repeated over and over makes the game.
Colby: Things aren’t so clean in combat. (End Game)
- Charlie: I’ve come upon an inconvenient truth … (End Game)
- David: Sorry to break this up, I was about to pass out from the marker fumes.
Amita: Yes, that would be the lemon. I told you it was too much.
Charlie [sniffing marker]: I like it.
David: Smells like a urinal cake. (Atomic No 33)
- Amita: I didn’t say it was rational, it just feels weird.
Charlie: My Dad knows you spend the night, that’s never been weird.
Alan: Well it is now, thank you very much. (Pay to Play)
- Larry: I haven’t heard of any of these artists; and it’s not like I’ve been living in a cave.
Charlie: No, just a space station and a monastery; and oh yeah, the steam tunnels.
Larry: Point taken. (Pay to Play)
- Charlie: Now Dad, don’t let her off the hook so easy. My abject suffering is worth a whole lot more than cookies. (Pay to Play)
- Charlie: I’m in!
Alan: Oh yeah, you’re in. But you must realize of course that now you have to marry her.
Charlie: I think I’ll have one of those cookies now. (Pay to Play)
- I’ve just been arguing with an FBI counter-terrorism expert. What are you guys up to? (When Worlds Collide)
- Alan: This is not the first time this house has been divided by fundamental disagreements. That year Charlie spent at MIT, remember when he came home? Now that was a shocker.
Charlie: Yeah, so, I’m a Celtics fan. It happens even in good families.
Don: Not really. Not in LA. (When Worlds Collide)
- Charlie: All I need to do my work is a notebook, a pencil …
Alan: And a lot of chalk boards. (High Exposure)
- Charlie: You killed my bots, man.
Colby: Well they all deserve purple hearts. Put badges on the next ones. (Thirty-Six Hours)
- Larry: Of course Paul McCarty dying in 1966 and being replaced with a look alike, that of course is pure fact.
Larry: Oh yeah. Check out the cover of Abbey Road, the clues are all over it. (Conspiracy Theory)
- Larry: Wait a sec, did you just call me a moron?
Charlie: HL Mencken did. (Conspiracy Theory)
- Charlie: Simpson’s Paradox.
Colby: I love that show.
Charlie: Not Homer, Edward. (Conspiracy Theory)
- Nothing’s unhackable. (Jacked)
- Charlie: Who elected me team leader any way?
Amita: They did. Don’t look at me, I voted for myself. (Jacked)
- [to Amita] Do you think I should call Don or am I overreacting … you took to long. [dials] (Trouble in Chinatown)
- Alan: Is this the way you treat all your lab assistants?
Larry: Actually they spend a week in horticultural boot camp at the Eppes house. (Sneakerhead)
- Charlie: It’s a spacial dynamic jury model; a statistical model of jury behavior.
Alan: Was it developed by twelve angry mathematicians? (Guilt Trip)
- Don: Any time you have an idea like this, you know my door is wide open, right?
Charlie: Technically you don’t have a door, you have a cubicle. I have a door. (Cover Me)
- Larry: Is this tie really necessary?
Charlie: All aspects of the games are controlled by forces: look sharp, play sharp.
Larry: How about this annoying athletic supporter?
Charlie: That’s for the players, Larry.
Larry: Oh! (12:01AM)
- Don: Is that legal?
Charlie: It’s not illegal; technology is ahead of the law. (Animal Rights)
- My campus is supposed to be an ivory tower and we keep getting invaded by the outside world. (Animal Rights)
- The technical term for this kind of thing is “mighty suspicious”. (Animal Rights)
- I wanted to see the face of the man who stabbed my brother. (The Fifth Man)
- Let’s say for hypothetical reasons I’m not crazy. (Disturbed)
- David: In the world of statistical analysis, 23% means —
Charlie: Uh, can I take this one? It means get your ass in gear. (Disturbed)
- Some people drink, some gamble. I analyze data. (Disturbed)
- Charlie: In certain circles I’m considered to be really funny.
Colby: FBI circles? (Hangman)
- Charlie: This guy’s [Alan] gotten lost driving back from the supermarket.
Alan: So I once ended up in San Pedro, big deal.
Larry: Who among us hasn’t. (Friendly Fire)
- Mayborne: Internet chatter is not always reliable.
Charlie: That’s a bit of an understatement. (Dreamland)
- John Buckley: You’re brother, he really doesn’t like me.
Charlie: It takes him awhile to warm up to people.
John Buckley: Is that what it is?
Charlie: No. (Con Job)
- David: Are you saying we’re here on a hunch?
Charlie: I wouldn’t call it a hunch …
Amita: (whispers): Induction
Charlie: It’s an induction. (Old Soldiers)
- Charlie: You’re actually gonna do all those things? [on the life list]
Alan: Why not?
Charlie: Grow a ponytail?
Alan: I’m workin’ on it. (Scratch)
- Alan [quoting Shakespeare]: Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.
Charlie: And the other fourteen million sink. (Scratch)
- Liz: An incredibly popular and expensive math journal?
Charlie: All right you know what I mean. (Arm in Arms)
- Nikki: How long before you can get us some results?
Charlie: Well, really that falls under the auspices of the FBI lab. With me and Amita leaving, they should get used to solving crimes by themselves again. (Growin’ Up)
- Everything changes, everything’s the same. (Cause and Effect)